Living Disaster

Maybe

2010-06-25T02:27:00.002+08:00

Maybe its my time, for me to change.
Change my mind. Open it even wider!
Understand myself more but not understanding
others.

I know myself more than anyone does.. any other
things that could be happening, i'll say this to myself..
" Its all mind, over matters. "

Its useless whining over things that wouldnt change
or even take too long to change...its always been in me
that we live life all alone. We all don't die together and we
had our own lonely grave. Hm..i've got to be independent.
I kept telling my girlfriend whats worth..
now i guess, i should be telling more of that to myself..

It's seriously worthless to keep pulling myself down.
It would hurt more and more...
hm...
so yeah..now, i really really wanna thank Hafizh for lecturing
me.. Heehehee...
Its much more worth then anything else..

Thanks so much dear!

Who's there?!!

2010-06-25T01:50:00.002+08:00

Its just too frustrating when i used all my heart
and called you my friend, but it may not meant
much to you.

Now day, people are selfish! My eyes are open wide to
observe people movements. The way they talk and how they
treat one and other. Fron front to back. They needed someone
by them but when someone needs them, they wont
even bother to care. Well i know i cant say much,
but that's what i felt so!!

Fuck people around!
Heartless freaks!

If someone you call " Friend " , you'll sure be there for
them and help them up in all sorts. Even if it's impossible
to help out, least better then nothing , you did try your best
and at least be with them when in need.

I see the world go round. I need you, i know MAYBE you'll come.
But i understnd you cant always be there but still...
sometimes, you didnt help me out with all your heart..
it doesnt matter much but at least appreciate lil things
that you had. I know you'll have people around when in
need but having me by your side isnt enought. Right!
So yeaah...WHO'S THERE?? BESIDE ME??

IF i could say to kiss my ass and fuck of my sight!
it hurts more having a friend like this..
Thanks anyway...

ARGHHH!!!

Needed

2010-06-24T03:07:00.004+08:00

Hey yeah....just wanna share something bout a friend of mine.
Perhaps, a great friend of mine. Currently serving the nation.
Have been contacted quite a while..actually just a hi bye friend,
found at tagged. Never expect anything else more than friend.

But what i know, he's a great guy. Since i trusted on being just
friends, we are great buddies now. He used to always be there
to comfort me when im down. But now....its ok. Im too busy
with my things. Well, im so sorry but again it would be a
lie if i say i didnt miss him.

Frankly..for months that we had become friends.
We had never meet each other or even bump face to face. :)
Only pictures is what we see...
Well, good enought that i know how he smile. Hahaha!
So yeah, a sudden message was sent by him this morning.
Called him for a moment before bed,ask him why and where he get from.
And he say, i suddenly miss you so much and it comes from my head..

Hahahahak! Damn! :(

You're so close yet so far,
at times like this i wish upon a star.
I wish you were here and not there,
yet life is hard and unfair.

All i can do is wish and wait
until we meet for that is our fate.
Until the day i hold your face,
kiss your lips within a candle lit place.

Hold you close and feel you near,
Kiss your cheek and whisper in your ear.
Feel you skin beneath my hand,
feel your energy inside expand.

I'll wish for that moment as i always do,
and i've wished upon the stars,
it will come true.

:) Thanks Lurve!!
imysm too!

BetterBeDead

2010-06-20T02:41:00.003+08:00

Damn! Damn! It's 2.41am...Fcking bored!!

Again couldnt sleep! Insomnia siaa! Heehehhe!

Its been few months i could sleep early..
unless i really am tired. Hm...what could i do man!

I slept at 5am yesterday! Cause that's the time when

i felt sleepy. Waalaaaau..! Who would bother to stare

the ceiling and f**king wait for sleep!! warrghhh!

No i cant!!

BETTER BE DEAD DEE!!

IT IS SOO FCKING FRUSTRATING!!!

GIG!!

2010-06-19T02:26:00.002+08:00

Damn! Couldn't missed this one! And shouldn't!!

Its been kinda "long" siaaa...Hahahahhak!!

So yeeah! Maybe taking off from work or maybe, asking

for replacement on this 25th June!! Waaarghhhhhh!!

Hahahhaahk!!

Damn AGAIN!! 27th June have to make myself free.

Again off or either replacement..hahahahak!

I really really don't wanna miss this two days seey..

Hm...

Especially 25th & 27th...huh? same right! hahahahahk!

But it would be great if i could turn up for the 25th june.

As for 27th i just really wanna go cause of interest. :)

So yeeah....

DIE DIE DONT WNNA MISS IT!!

DAAAAAANMMM!

Give up!

2010-06-18T04:12:00.002+08:00

I don't know what to do now. Im so busy.
Friends around me, needs someone by them. I can't be
there to all of them, cause i myself in need of someone
too. Im also packed with work on weekdays so as weekends.

Its weird that i could advice my friends, but as
for myself..it's kinda cranky. Well, it always happens
that way.

When im in need of only this one, another one came in
need of me.Hm..but deep inside, maybe i know who could
really make me smile hard without pain. Hm...

So what's going on now.
Dragging my lips to streatch a smile..
Hm...whatever dee..

KillMe

2010-06-14T03:06:00.001+08:00

IfOnlyADaggerCouldPierceDeepInMyHeartAndIShellSleepForever.

Empty

2010-05-27T14:13:00.002+08:00

Its always different now and then. But now, I had
almost everyone around. I can go anywhere with accompany.
Like hanging-out late night, meeting my friends anytime
i want, going to work, going sis's home when I feel like
it and also meeting him. All so occupied around me, but still..
i felt so empty. I just need something or someone there, by
my side. Feeling occupied not only externally but also internally.

He could but maybe sometimes he doesn't know how or so....
and i know someone who could but it's so impossible since then.
To be frank, i kinda missed those times. I cant tell straight as in
what i meant. But how i wish at least someone could really
read my heart. Serious shyt, im not being emotional here..
it's just the fact after all. If only i could be occupied....by..
hm...

Hush Dee, Hush.

Different Minds

2010-05-19T02:24:00.003+08:00

Yesterday, without intention..just hang-out after work
since we ended early. All i wanted is to hang-out with
a close great buddy but went to jamming. So came down
damn damn late. Its okay then...before that i hang-out with
my friend's friend. Didnt know them till we had long
conversations. Its kinda weird cause i did so much talking too.
And in fact, we talk about knowlegdes and generations of
my scene...damn, so interesting that i didnt had a glance on
my watch. Hehehe!

Everything was very open. I had my point and so were
they. Still we had also talk bout Love&Lust.
I get really damn irritated when they say that i know
nothing much, still a kid, lets cut the topic out.
What's the prob, im so used to it. Infact, like i say,
i've got my own point of whatever it is..just shoot me.
Heehehe! They did shoot me. and yeaah...

They did understand me at last. They say im going
around bushes but again, i explain and explain and
at last they smile and say yeah true, yeah correct, thats
the fact. Heehehe! Damn..again...everyone has their own
mindset. Its either they wanna fight for it or they
wanna listen to others. Hehehe...useless...

Still again, finding a good time to hang-out again.
Talk about all this things. My scene and all other craps.
But im sorry for my friend cause she dun talk scene.
Then she left, so i had a whole lot to ask and answer bout
anything. Till my Great Friend came, i had to go... hmm...

Again?

2010-05-17T02:21:00.003+08:00

I don't know why but im still wondering.

There's always a moment or days that i'll feel so down

and low. The feeling of depression came without

anything else in mind that is bothering me.

But still im a semi-nocturnal. HAHA!! LAME!

Its really hard for me. Great enough could still balance

up everything for the noon and could still joke around and

make noises too. Maybe i had some medical condition?

Hehe! Choy!

Hm..its really restless when that feeling came by.

All i wanted is just to pour and thats where the

satisfaction came by. But no such things like Suicidal

Toughts okay. Thats Lamer than anything else..

I love my life. We all got a reason to live. Its all

just our choice to make it going or whatever crap

in whatever crap ways right. Heehe..

But seriously, the sensation of pouring is so satisfying

although if you think it's still lame. It just the way i

handle things. BUT sometimes, we cant always

handle things emotionally or else we'll be dead meat.

We should also be as tough as rocks to overcome thing

or feeling and all craps and bullshits....etc.. :)

I believe we could be so soft on the outside but inside

us, we just have to be tough. No one will be perfectly

good to us, if you get what i mean. Sometimes, in life,

it's also about challenges. Thats why, i say to myself..

Never make my Kindness as a Weakness.

*wink* !!

Relationships

2010-05-16T04:00:00.003+08:00

I had wanted to post in alternate days but seriously
im just too distracted by my lame Fish Game. Haha!
But still, i loike that game.. Heehe...
So yeah if i didnt online and feel like posting when i've got
something to say but im lazy! so i'll just make a draft in
my phone. Thats why the Boys in Blues says, "Lost your
phone, lost your Privacy" Hahahahak!

So yeah, i had keep this topic bout relationships so lets start
then. Hm...

Its true that every relationship is not perfect which there's
always ups and downs. And seriously not every relationship
starts a sweet one. Not at all...If you think it always goes great
at the beginning, just think again. Before relationships starts,
its always from friends first and it is still possible to start even as an
enemies. Every sweet things could turn bitter and every bitter
things could change sweet. Everything in r/s is possible.

I get really distracted by idiots who says this, " All guy/girl are the
same argh! " Damn assholes. You don't fcking look at one and think
it all. Stupid isn't it. Life is mostly bout individuals. Even if it's from
your own phobias, still you cant say that all are the same. People has
different views in life. You gonna call and innocent guy/girl a
bitch/bustard when you don't even know him/her deep inside. Hm...
So what do you think...? Hehehe...idiots ryte...

Yeah again, i really get hot when people prefers and judge the
looks. Not once i was called a "Minah". Sedih pe! Hehehe!
Like i say, people has its own thing and always the one that
they trust and comfirtable with, then they will tell eveything
out. No one is perfect on this world.

Mostly, it is just about trusting. If you had them, you'll
get very comfirtable, you had you own space and there's nothing
that you'll of. But to me, i will always be afraid of losing one.
Hm...talking bout me, i think im nocturnal now. Really couldnt
help it myself at night. I did one thing that can put me to bed,
slow and sweet...hehhe...is by pouring out. I know it sounds lame.
But thats me, its now like as if i pour a bloody one ryte. Hehe!

This is always a non-stop answer and question topic. I cant
go on but there always alot more i wanted to say.
But, till here then!!
Nyte!

Life

2010-05-08T03:46:00.004+08:00

There's always a point of time, whereby you had a

sudden feeling of down and thinking about your whole life.

About whats happening all around your surroundings.

Just wondering a flashing back about the past and thinking

about the present and also the future. Its not wrong thinking.

Maybe it is just the time or moment to think seriously, in life.

Reflecting on yourself. Wondering about your wrongs and rights

in life. Hm...

Also about personal life like family, friendships and love life.

About people who came and go, and also friends who came and stay.

Loved once whose there always by yourside and sometimes who

cant always be there. Its not wrong being alone and be left alone.

Its just mostly about yourself. About being strong by you own

motivations. Why hope on others when it's your life after all.

Don't ask for others Hope but ask for other's Help.

Im so glad my Great greatest friend had turn out to be strong

himself. Im so proud of him. He proves me now, eventough he

faces worst stress then i do. He will never give up easily. :)

And i know, i will try my best to help him up. Thanks Hafizh.

Well, talking bout life, i should stop here then.

Don't wanna start making compos. Hehe.

Gd Nytes then.

Sweet dreams!

Wet dreams!

Hahahak~!

DAMN!

Heyrawr!!

2010-04-08T01:09:00.002+08:00

Out out of mind!
Last minute, feel like chilling today..so went swimming!
Hahahahak..I know its relexing and its my Stress Theraphy for now.
Hehehe..It does works somehow. Especially staying still in the Jacuzzi.
Hm...my favourite. Hehe..

Meet up my girlfriend at Lot 1. Standard..i bought 2 carnigan at Cotton On.
Its just too impossible to not buy something when im with her. Hahak..
Just hanging out at the Foodcourt and have our dinner there. Damn,
miss her so much. Hehehe. Felt relieve get to talk and laugh out loud.
All shit nonscence that we always bring out were all vomitted.

Hope that day will come again.
Till then, im sleepy!
Night!

Coming Down!

2010-04-05T02:56:00.005+08:00

Yeah, i did came down. Surprize huh..
Seems you said goodbye, don't bother reading my entry.
You cursed me too much and call me names for no reasons
or wrong reasons. So yeah. Save your breath. Stop reading.

---------------------------------------------

I came for income. For reasons.
Just wanna support myself. Be their extra hands to help them up.
Enjoy myself and experience cause this is different then others.
And somehow, maybe also I think if we could still communicate.
I went there, never wanna use my half top but i've no choice.
I didnt wanted it but i have to. I have nothing else that's white so yeah.
There i go, feeling uncomfirtable trying to close 'it' with my hair.

Hm...dinner? I didnt take a bite. No mood. No appetite.
Sucks. Sucks. Sucks.
First look on you was so cool, blood all rushing down and
my hair all standing up. Funny and weird but true.
I know why, cause its been long we've nt faced.
Somehow happy and excited. But it all turn out sucks!
Damn phone were Damn Dead at Wrong wrong timing.
Hm...it's had happened. No choice. Say what you want.

I already had planned to stay there. Just be by myself
with the stars. There's no harm. No one will hurt so
do i wont hurt anyone. No one was drunk indeed.
Well, I did stay by the beach for awhile.
Then read my book till im sleepy then i went to bed.
Joe and Sha were very protective indeed.
Joe prepared my single bed together with 2 pillow and a blanket.
Sha, prepared the fan and light for my sleep and my bedtime storybook.
Their so sweet after all..appreciate you guys. Thanks. :)

The next morning, woke up...i mean afternoon at 1pm.
Hahahak! Didnt wanna bath yet, so i went in the Jacuzzi.
Bubble bath time! Memories all Bomb In Head! But it ok..
Went to bath, at Handicape. Again...bomb.
After raining then i went off, just wondering when will
i ever step into that place again. They did tought of
assigning me as a full-time cashier, but..im speehless.
Better not to step there again.

Went home, charged hndphone..
Saw your message so i read.
I was shock. Didnt expected it to be that harsh.
Was surprise that i poured so hard. So hurt
and dissapointed i didnt wanna see you again.

New Skin!

2010-04-04T02:08:00.001+08:00

New Skin!
Im tired now.
Just too bored with the previous one.
and maybe deleting soon or so....

Regretted

2010-03-23T22:53:00.003+08:00

I just don't understand her.
First she wanted it this way, now she put me on blame.
But i didn't told her that it's her fault.
I regretted following her way. I felt so stupid since last night.
She wanted me to understand her but she herself never
tries to understand us all. I don't know what else i could do.

Im stuck now. It's too late. Life is no more future.
But my sister did told me, it's never too late.
And i hope i still get to achieve what i've always wanted.
I was leftout when all the others had their wings fly up high.

Im so hopeless now. I want the best for myself.
So i could help her out too and help them out and
if possible help the others out.
I need to figure what else i could do.
But im just too tired and restless i couldn't get myself up.
There's no motivations in life when i need one.

The most i needed was just from her. Still she couldn't get
it now. She wouldnt undersand us all `cause all she wanted
is her own happiness that i should give.
I tried to understand her, i just don't wanna hurt her.

Now, i've been must more upset of being home.
He seems to fall apart and i seem to go against him.
I dare to fight for my own right now. If it takes it to
be physically rough, i don't give a damn.
I've enough of silence that i kept in myself for 18yrs.

There's more i've should say.
But i can't spare my mind on it anymore.

It would just be better that i'll stop here.

Maybe awake now

2010-02-08T23:11:00.002+08:00

This pass few days, without you.
Somehow weird but im really ok with it.
It makes me really think..
and yeaah, i don't want you to read this.
You don't have to cause it's about me.

As i was saying...
Days passes by, my mind kept thinking.
Thinking about life. The past and the present.
It kept moving even if im having anything on.
Maybe i am awake now.
It makes me feel regret what had happen.
Its sucks cause its too late, and i know
it gonna hurt alot and be much more painful.

All the Goods and the Bads in life started flashing.
I believe things happened for a reason..erm..
"I believe Things happened for Reasons."
i know im just too scared to be hurt again.
thats why, all i wanted now is just happiness.

I know its easy to say.
But what i believe is.
It would be easy if we choose to make it easy.
and it would be hard,
if we choose to go around the bushes.

I know, im rude..very.
I don't wanna be told if im taking a ride.
I've to choose it that way.
Im so sorry..i really am..
I've to be selfish now.

Maybe i deserve to be angry at,
but with understndings.
And this is one way to make things straight.
or maybe much more clearer.

I knew from the beginning, Life ain't easy.
Even with mom or dad around.
I don't know what else it gonna be.
What i know is, i'll do my way now.
Smiles. Laughters. Jokes.
and No worries.

Thanks Beb! , Hairah, for everything.
Even if there's ups and downs.
and
Thanks so much Lurve for being by my side.
For trying everything and for holding it on.

Live life and Love life.

What's Happening...?

2010-02-05T01:49:00.001+08:00

I don't know why you fucking said that.

It's fine then.
I'll never find another, don't worry.
I've got no time cause im fucking lazy.

Still don't understand do you.
I still care but us being like this...hm...
Never mind then..
I've tried but im so sorry..
What an ego we had.

I gonna make myself busy, fucking busy.
I gonna start work asap.
Gonna distract everything in life.
Done.

And yeah, who doesn't wanna be happy..
i guess im too desprate for it..
thats why im like this...

Who likes thinking much.
Believe me, it hurts more.

Sleepless

2010-01-13T02:10:00.002+08:00

All im doing now is just thinking and wondering.
I don't feel right. Im just worry here.
Its sucks.

I wanted to pick up the phone and dial your number..
but would you pick it up? hm...im don't think so.
I felt like being alone just now and even now and if can,
everytime that i felt down..but im so restless and worry..
what else i could do right.

How are you doing there?
Hope you're doing fine.
You don't have to hurt yourself, cause you already did.

Why is it always about us. Its damn damn irritating.
You've changed, i told you this.
Changed to the best but it is just those questions and
doubts of yours is hunting and hurting you.
Then it affects me badly and it affects us terribly..
Then everything fall apart, again and again and again.

I know my doings now is not right. Im rude.
I did this purposely. Im sorry. I can't be too carring right.
I wanted to hear your voice every night. Happy voice..
but since this happens..i don't want. Im lazy with all your questions,
doubts, anger, sadness and anything that pulls us down..
Its a mistake you did and i did that i believe we could learn from.

In your phone. that you borrowed me. I wrote down
my feelings at the draft. When its time for me to return
it back to you, look around and read it.

I treasure and cherish every moments im with you.
Especially our latest outing together.

Went to a Promo of Wild Wild Wet
and Escape Theme Park. Its really a great day. I don't want to
bother thinking about the night. I don't give a damn.
That day. i get to know you deeper. Its great! Plus damn funny!
Hhahaahahak!

Isnt it WEIRD when entering the " Haunted House II"..
where the Girl is at the front and the Guy is hiding at the back??
Thats awesome! Hahahhahaahak!!
The whole day was okay..i like when we're eating chicken.
Its all damn cleaned up into our stomach. Hehehehe!

Its also about me.
Im too sensitive.
Why?
Cause im scared..
Why?

because.....

Enough is enough.

I don't live to live my past.

Worried

2010-01-12T23:55:00.002+08:00

Im worried.
I really am.

Damn!

Here i am wondering.
Why..?

Hmm....

I know you're in need of someone.
Really in need to talk.
I wanted to be by your side..but i guess..
it wasn't my day today.

And yeah, i've tried but..
Its ok..it cant always be me that should be by your side.
I also can't always volunteer to be there even if im worry.
Hmm....

Just hope you're fine out there,
I know your mind is going wild but..
i can't..
i can't be there.......
hate me please.......

Bad-bye

2010-01-12T23:36:00.004+08:00

Maybe. it should happen this way.

Or it is just unexpected.

Now, the main thing.

I've said 'it'....
so as you....

It should all be returned.
Don't come and ask me anything.
Don't ask me why, why and why.

Enough.
I still have the feeling of worry for you.
Why? Why i care...? Arghh...shut up Dee!

Bye.

Lazy Life

2010-01-12T23:01:00.005+08:00

Im all lazy now.

Lazy of everything.

Its hopeless.

It makes me go nut.

Life is like.... " What the Fuck! "

Lets SHUT MY ASS UP.

Forget about everything.

Im lazy to tolerate.

Glad i still have my patience.

Now..

Lets keep myself quiet.

and..find my happiness.

No body, NO BODY..

Shell disturb me!

I go my own way now.

Hmm....shhhh.....

Really Meaningful

2010-01-06T02:53:00.002+08:00

I went around and round and surf the net.
I've found something that really true & touches me.

If you care to read it, read it with all your heart.
This goes to every Human Being with Feelings!

-------------------------------------------

To all my friends who are single,
love is like a butterfly.
the more you chase it, the more it eludes you.
but if you just let it fly,
it will come to you when you least expect it.
love can make you happy but often it hurts,
but love is only special when you give it to someone
who is really worth it.so take your time and choose the best.

To all my friends who are attached,
love isn’t about becoming somebody else’s perfect person.
its about finding someone who helps you become the
best person you can be.

To all my friends who are just taking others for a ride,
never say "I love you" if you don’t care.
never talk about feelings if they aren’t there.never touch a life
if you mean to break a heart.never look in the eye when
all you do is lie.the cruelest thing a guy can do to a girl:
is to let her fall in love;when he doesn't intend to catch her
falland it works both ways.

To all my friends who are engaged,
the true measure of compatibility is not the years
spent together;but how good you are for each other.

To all my friends who are married,
love is not about "its your fault", but "I'm sorry"
not "where are you", but "I’m right here"
not "how could you", but "I understand"
not "I wish you were", but "im thankful you are"

To all my friends who are heartbroken,
heartbreaks last as long as you want;and cut as deep as
you allow them to go.the challenge is not how to survive
a heartbreaks,but to learn from them.

To all my friends who are naïve,
how to be in love: be consistent but not too persistent.
share and never be unfair.understand and try not to demand.
and get hurt but never keep the pain.

To all my friends who are possessive,
it breaks your heart to see the one you love is happy
with someone else.but its more painful to know that
the one you love;is unhappy with you.

To all my friends who are afraid to confess,
love hurts when you break up with someone.it hurts even
more when someone breaks up with you.but love hurts
the most: when the person you lovehas no idea
about how you feel about him/her.

To all my friends who are still holding on,
a sad thing about life is when you meet someone and
fall in love,only to find out in the end it was never
meant to be;and that you have wasted years on someone
who wasn’t worth it.if that person doesn’t worth it now,
its not going to be worth it in a year or 10 years from now.

To all my friends who are who you are,
this post is not meant to offend anybody.
im sorry if its hurt you in any way,
its just a post for all to share.

My Black World Shakes

2009-12-28T23:21:00.009+08:00

My world deep inside me is shaking. Everything seems

to fall apart. How much longer can i carry this load

in my head. Im too weak or the pressure is just too strong.

What else will appear in my life to destroy me. How

hard for me to control just by being myself. I didn't

know i was so lost. So lost in the world of ' i don't know

who am i '.. Im too weak..How can i get myself back.

Im afraid of little fights. Not with my enemy but with

my love once. Its too hurt to see myself losing my temper

and saying mean things. Being so rude and totally not

me. No patience, nothing and all there is..just to

blow evrything out,to make myself satisfied.

Mood swings. Its not suppose to be in my list. Is

something wrong with me or im just over reacting.

Hm..i dun think so..i've tried making myself calm.

Instead, i'll get more restless and uncomfirtable.

I knew i need space for myself..

and i knew i need my bestfriend beside me.

Every gig i went to, i was smiling all the way. Really

enjoying and missing me being me with the others.

Just wanna thank you guys for making me smile, at least.

And for you fiz..

thanks so much fr trying your best to be by my side.

something is wrong

2009-12-27T23:41:00.007+08:00

I just don't feel right. Something is bothering me

deep inside. I feel so restless. I wanna get out of home

but where to go? No where could calm me down.

I wanna be alone. But don't misunderstand, not alone

and away from you but just for myself to take my own

time alone and calm myself now. Maybe reflect myself.

Self reflection is Self perfection.

What about Escape Theme Park? I could scream my

lungs out on those rides. Especially Viking, me sitting

at the top end. Thrilling! Hm..At least something rather

than nothing right. What else can i do? I can't just suck

polluted air which is the ciggies and dying because of

it. Funny isn't it. Farking life i had.

I hate home. I've always hated it. The only thing makes

me smile, is the Tv, my lappy,my bed, i smelly pillow..

shh..Hahahhak! wtf! And yeaah, sometimes my Lil bro

and always my Lil Niece & Nephew. But still sucks.

I wish i could sleep the whole night peacefully alone.

I wish for this...

i wish for that...

This is all just nothing. Lame shits!

Wishes isn't Reality. What else is left?

Hope..? Fuck it!

I hate It

2009-12-24T02:34:00.006+08:00

As days passes by. My feelings and emotions kept
changing. I felt that my temper is going quite high.
Emotions of mine couldn't be control. Im so sensitive now.

I hate quarrelling.
I hate loud voices.
I hate anger.
I hate tears.

Most i hated is Tolerating.

I can't take it like how i used to.

Thats all sucks.

Im sorry if i blast off so sudden. I 'll say or even shout
and scream things i didn't really mean to hurt. Maybe
im just following too much of my feelings. But after all,
we're all human being. Emotions are much more stronger.

It control us all instead we control 'them'.

Actualy we can. All we need is to calm ourself down.

Thats why..
" The most patience person are the strongest person "

When could i find my patience back. What can
I do to distract myself from mood swings?

Hm....

Im sorry too

2009-12-20T01:01:00.005+08:00

The whole day today, i spent my time with my family, cousins,
unties and uncles. I couldn't text you cause my batt were flat.
I also didnt bother to text you. But one thing, i also felt
very awkward not getting your messages. I don't know why
but im used to getting them no matter what.

Sometimes, i wanted to text you but i felt i better not.
Sometimes when i don't bother to text you, i'll go wonder
how are you doing? where you're at? with who? and
sometimes when i don't feel like caring but i cant
cause i'll be worry for you wherever you are...hmm....

I've already read your blog. What you said, everything was
almost right. I didn't know and didn't expect that things
between us will happen this way. I tought that we'll be
going on smoothly. It's not only because of you but it's
also my fault. I was too afraid i'll hurt you like the others
does,thats why i kept giving you face and not think about myself.

You know, i've told you to leave how many times.You know
i don't dare to, because i know i will hurt you deep again.
So i've no choice, it sucks seeing you cry so hard infront of me.
Making me feels the pressure and carry the loads of guilt.

I know what you're facing in your love life but i believe, you'll
find your true one,one day. There's also something i don't like what
you did. Why you like to reveal my name so much on your
blog. You might not know what other readers will say about me
right. Haix....Its not that i don't appretiate it, but you'll know
others might not know our real story.

Now, its my turn.

Hafizh..whatever it is. I don't wanna lose you even as a friend.
I've always say, lets take things slowly but this had happen.
It can't be forced already. I also wanna tell you that, you're
a great friend to be with. My laughters with you..well..you
know right. So please, don't be too sad and kept thinking
about you love life. It gonna hurt you much much more.

Get up from your feet and stop being sensitive. I believe
you are much more stronger than who i've always seen infront
of my eyes every Weekends. I wanna see you smile and
i still wanna see us laught together again. :)

imy friend.

im sorry i've hurt you.
:(

Thanks Lurve

2009-12-16T00:01:00.008+08:00

Hey babe...no worries. Im feeling quite ok now. Im not thinking
way too much like few days ago. I just hope that we'll be able to

spend most of our time together again, like how we used to be.

I'll be able to be like how i've always been with you or without u.

Ermm........

Irwan.....don't worry aite! She'll be a goodgirl when she's with me.

Hahahahak!

Hairah, what u said is right. I can't wait smiling and really feel

the joy in heart without any sadness or worries. School is done.

I don't have to worry about it anymore. Life is growing.

Yes i can see, but as it grows, it gets harder. Working life is

really starting soon. I've to support myself but not only that but

my mum too. I don't know why, but i felt like its still too early.

Hm..thanks love, for being there by my side. I just don't

wanna disturb your happiness too and make things diff for u. :)

Sometimes, we've to handle things ourself in life.

Cause its our own problem for us to solve.

Being able to see how strong or stronger can we be. :)

So, no worries babe. Im going to see us smiling and laughting

together again, sooner. Just hope that there's no any other

distractions in life. I just need your smile to motivate me.

I miss you too dear!!

Hairah's

Hey girl,see this pic above? im very sure u want to be that
happy like u are in the pic.i miss u soo much.i know that,

we wished you'll be like the old you, diana.the one whose

always having fun with no worries.things totally change now.

Things are way diff.i wish, im an angel( -_-" ) to grant u ure

happiness.i know we seem to rarely contact now.im just blank

in mind.i thank you for being glad towards me.being glad that

someone who can really take good care of me.but you too have

to keep this in mind, i too need my bestfriendto always be there

for support. like how i too always support you.I understand you've
been busy with work, school life and maybe him or another him.

Thought i gave u ure own space, instead, toooo much space.that
we did not even contact. =( even though im not with you, but you

do know iyll always be there for you,right?U do know im sooo

not good at helping people with probs.but i am a listening ear right.

How i wish i can erase all your problems away.i know.

too much wishes. -_- how u always told me to be patient in

handling problems? and how u always told me to pray hard?yeahh.

vice-versa.vice-versa.vice-versa aite grl.

Its okay, im always here for you love.=)

Hopeless

2009-12-10T01:31:00.009+08:00

Life is lame.

It is just hopeless. I can't see any point. Im here maybe

just to help some love once out, then im done. Isn't

it suppose to be my happiness too? What's my thinking.

I don't even know. Everything is rushing in head aimlessly.

I hate it so much. I wanna be free. I wanna feel free.

Free from all those sadness and miserable things.

I've had enough. Im too dry to get wet again. But whatever

it is, i will still get wet. There's always a night that i'll soak

my pillow. What is it about now in life..?

Giving myself space. Giving myself happiness. Whatever shyt

it is, i won't give a damn. How am i gonna get happiness..?

Maybe it comes from deep in me, thinking of who i really am.

Im smiling, yes i may seem happy. Once the moon rises, the

pressure would rises too. Everything is a shyt. Which devil

that i had turned into. I see no point being good to humans too.

If there's no such thing as reality, i would be the most happiest

and free girl of all. I'll go fly around the world, doing what i've

always been wanted,with hairah. Smiling & laughing aways

without any sadness or pressure that would strikes and spoils me.

How is it gonna be now..? I just hope i could hold myself longer.

Lets take thing real real slowly. When school ends, 1 shit pressure

is out. When work end, 2 shit pressure is out. But when my

relationship ends, maybe pressure comes in more then 2times.

With love...or without love..my pressure will always stucks deep

in head, that i feels like breaking it up and burn them all.

Thats why, im lazy to fall in love but i know i appreciate from him.

I've to be strong and keep going on. This is the downs in life.

Let tolerate and find the ups. I don't wanna lose myself too.

So Down

2009-12-03T23:55:00.003+08:00

I don't know why, but i felt so down. I just wanna be left alone.

Why are you working so hard to be there for me. Its not that

I don't appreciate it but i just don't expect that much from you.

Your care and concern is enough to make me smile. Your smile

can also make me smile but how much harder you wanna work

youself. You're just hurting youself more. I don't want and i don't

like you to try your best. Just be the way and take things easily.

There may be alot out there, but im the one that sees with my

eyes close, but my heart open. It takes time, how long i

don't know myself.

I just don't feel like it now, cause im lazy. Im too busy with shyts

around me. I wanna get myself settle and relex. Enjoy myself

maybe to the fullest. I just see no point in life. I hate myself.

Why did things has to be this way..?

Hmm...never mind dee, its ok. Just take your time.

Everything will be ok soon after you're not busy.

I gonna take my time for myself but im afraid you won't understand.

It may be hard for you but it is harder for me.

I just don't know how to say things out.

sorryy...

Anny & Johnny

2009-11-25T23:38:00.008+08:00

There's a story that i wanna share and its about Anny&Jonny.

It has not end yet and just hope it won't end.

One fine day, they accidently pass by each other at a beautiful garden.
A warm smile were given when they face each other. Both were drawn
to each other's smile, they decide being friends and start conversations.
Stories of each other's life were shared together. Both were happy sharing
and telling stories, so they spend most of their time together
again and again and again....

There's ups and downs in Anny's life. Her school, her family, her
work and also her relationships. She sucks at handle most of them. All
she can do, is to cry over it and keep wondering and keep thinking and
hurting herself more. She is an asshole. Johnny makes her happy
most of the time.

Till one day, she realise she's not happy with who she
had become. Not strong like who she used to be. Losing her patience
and softness over small things. Taking in too much that what she had stop
taking in. Bloating up and getting mood swings most of the time even
when Johnny is by her side. It's not Johnny's fault but she had choose
it this way somehow. She realise it so much that she has to be alone to
find her trueself back. She's not comfirtable being her this way.

All she hope is that, Johnny will understand her situations. She actually
didnt meant it of leaving her all alone. Johnny, do u know that she cried
all nite after saying that. She really has no heart to say that but she really
has no choice. All she want, is Johnny to take very good care of himself
and smile when she's away...

and yeah..this is what Anny said to me too....

" I'll always be by his side to see him smile & cry even if it comes
to the worst. Im so sorry Johnny dear...please Smile for me.."

Bestfriend

2009-11-20T22:02:00.010+08:00

How long have we not been contacting each other?

How long have i not heard your voice?

How long had we never meet and had a proper conversation?

I guess its nearly a month. Things are different now.

Its actually sad not to hear from you and not approaching

you for long due to some shyts. Life is different now. It

seems like we're doing our own things.

Where are you dear? Do you know how much i misses you?

Im so sorry if i've been too busy with work, school, life.

It's very difficult for me now. I've seen what i need to do in

life to make things better. Things at home are getting worst too.

I still need you by my side and talk and to motivate. I miss alot

from you n so are you. Where's our laughters gone? Im wondering

how are you doing and im so sorry i cant be there by your side

when you're not okay.

Everytime i tried calling you, it seems like i can't get through.

Im glad there's someone there for you and loves you from his

heart. Being able to really takes good care of you. Make you

and seeing you loving him too. Im happy seeing you happy.

I hate listening to your voice and having us to tears cause of misses.

I hope we'll meet again soon.

I can't wait to jump onto you

HUG you

KISS you

and say...

I MISS YOU SO MUCH HAIRAH!!!!

Finding myself

2009-11-05T22:59:00.005+08:00

I've to be truth to myself. Im making myself confuse. Let me
try to be straight to myself and try speaking things out. I don't
know whats wrong with me again. It sucks when i kept saying
i don't know and really meaning it that i really don't know why.

I just hate how things are going now. Works and schools are simply
sucks! I know im pushing myself each day. Having the feeling of
exhaustion is fucking annoying and irritating. My back and my legs
are fucking hurting me more. Even after i get a long rest for myself,
it still hurts like shyt! I do wish to sleep longer and i really do need
a long rest..but sometimes my dreams are all affecting me.

Everyday, i seem to force myself to be awake from my sleep and
draging myself to face my world of tormented reality. Argghhh...

Whatever it is, life still do have to go on. I just need to know
how to control my own life. Control on what i want and what i need.
Maybe i gonna stop working for the mean time while im having my
school attachments. It seems like i couldn't handle 2 jobs at a time.
Or i'll only take those Saturdays and rest on sundays.

I really need to concerntrate on my school. Haixx...damn irritaing!
and again about myself that i hated...since after i start working, i
seem to start drinking again. Which im already heavy with that
damn ciggies. And also getting high while working. Hah!
Fucking Shyt ah Dee!

I've got to find myself back..i really need to. Maybe i know how,
but that's if i dare and if im strong enough. It's also for my own
good but im just too soft hearted. How am i gonna be firm in my
own life. The only way is..i just need to be alone. To be left all alone.
Think about myself. Lock myself in my room to get a PROPER
LONG LONG rest. This is also not a fucking emotional way eh..

Hmm.......

Not Myself

2009-10-15T23:11:00.000+08:00

It has all turned different now. I don't feel im being myself.

I mean, being in a different surrounding when it's not

suppose to be where i am, when i hated it so much. I don't

step my feets to clubs. I don't dance on their songs. It seem

like im doing it now. Not because i want, cause i have to. Cause

im working at that kind of atmosphere. Speechless huhh....

Im somesort happy geting to work and earn for myself. Its

just one thing, Feeling awkward! I hate the night i don't know

why but im somehow enjoying while hating it at the same time.

Its kinda sucks being at a place you hated so much. Lucky this place

is outdoor. I could also do wonders while working when the night

cames. Wondering why the hell im here for, with this music...?!

I can't deny but working there was fun. Really fun. It damn weird

when suddenly i don't feel im myself. Am i really doing what

im doing? Heehehe! WTH.

But its ok, cause im glad enough that dear Fiz is around. At least i don't

really feel left out. All the other stuff are the "Night Life" people

but im not man! Im more for the Gigs. Drums and Guitar!

Moshpits but not Dancefloor. Hehehhe! WTH Diana!

Fly Away

2009-10-09T23:40:00.000+08:00

Days passes by so fast. Choices had not been made.
Things seems to drag for so long & now it's time to make
things right in life. It was me, that kept draging this situations.

Me myself being so stubborn saying that im strong enough.
1 year plus had pass but im still able to tolerate things
and be patience. As for now, i don't think i could hold any
more longer. Nothing seems to happen in life about me with you.
You've not tried your best too and you don't seems to bother.
I've tried finding ways for things to be better but nothing
seems to work. Its just awkward. It kept we wonder too much.

Hairah and lil bro knows what's happening. They had gave me lots
of advices. Same goes with Fiz. What they say is true after all.

As for Fiz, he's just some one i find special too. He brings all sense out from me. Maybe he is something. He makes me think of myself about my life and future. We think really far. We communicate so much and its all useful. Questions are all running in mind. Answers are all told out. There's nothing much left to hide fron Fiz. I did share with him alot more. I felt really comfirtable being able to cry by his side.

It's just about me now.
Im just not strong to fly away. I think for you more then i think
for myself. Why am i so afraid to make my own choice. Everyday
seem like a "Wall Day" fo us. Your words could bury me deep in
the grave.

I'll rather die then suffer.

-Fly away Dee -

Raye Celebratiooon

2009-09-30T21:08:00.000+08:00

Lets talk about this Common Topic, which is Raye Celeb.

*First Day*

I wasnt feeling excited at all, i don't know why. Damn lazy

you know! Hehehe! I just wear what mum told me to. I don't

even feeling like grooming myself properly, i mean in malay,

Cantek2 ah. Hehehe!

I was kinda busy with my lappy. I was still online even after

grooming. The top picture there, im with my LIL BRO EH!

NOT BIG BRO.Hehehe! Sempat kite web-cammy. :)

Then normal things happen, like forgiveness to the Elderly.

EH! HAHA! I mean...you know what i mean k. Heeee!

First House!

It was my granny at my dad's side at Ang Mo Kio. Nothing

much happen..Granny cook, we eat..then im sleepy. I slept at
the sofa. HAHAHAHA.!! Haaiyooo DIANA!

Hee! Then their relatives came, we proceed to my another

granny's house at Chua Chu Kang.

Second House!

The weather damn hot man! I went there by motorbike with

my Big brother cause my Lil brother's hand were hurt. Me

with that "Baju Kurong" ride the bike?? Waaah, i really cannot

take it. Rimas! Hehe!

When reached, all i want is to REST! Dying to search for the fan!

But too much people, its ok then. I understand. Then all of us

watch "Gegebo" together. A Malay Ghost Prank movie. Haha!

Funneey! You guys must watch! Heehe! After all that....

Standard AH!!! CAM-WHORING!!

*Second Day*

" I WAS DEAD ON MY BED!! "

Stories of Days!

2009-09-13T00:38:00.001+08:00

Alot of things & events had happened for the last
few weeks. I really had no time or maybe im a lil bit
lazy to post about all the events. Hahahhaa! Feeling
so free now, i'll try to make things Short&Sweet.

*Iftar @ A.I and Faizah's *

Big gathering with all grown up cousins are great! Its not
always that we get to have a laugh and have a say with
one and other. Now its the time for us to be INSANE! :P

At A.I residence, i really blow my damn stomach! Cause they
had prepare STEAMBOAT SIA!! Whhhuhu!! Now NO NEED to
go to Soul Garden, homemade 100%better, Freeflow lagi. Hahaha!
We all so kecoh man! heehhe! After diggin in all food, some went
for the HOMEMADE JAMMING SIOL..! hahha! PS3? I guess.
Heeeehe!
And the Geret Part is, STANDARD! CAM-WHORING!!

At Faizah's residence. Food was Ullaaala! Heehe!
Before the guy could grap some food, me & my
cousin, Azie, we kinda "finished up" the Hotdog Bread.
GodDamnNice Siiiaaa! Haaahhaa! Then we slack and
take photos. Sing songs, dancing and again... CAM-WHORING!

* S'pore Flyer With Beloved Bestie*

It wasn't a random decision. We have also planned aboutthis but sweet enough, he's the one that suggested of going
there that he had bring me along with him. Somemore, the
tix was quite affortable. I tought i wouldn't be able to
ride that thing. Hahahak!

Right after our BreakFast, we meet up straight then right away
go to that place. Im quiet nervous, cause i hate HEIGHTS! hahhaaha!
I was somehow begging him sia. After reaching that place,
TOILET COMES FIRST! heeehe! idk why lah eh. It gonna be a
30mins ride, that's what i was told. We bought the tix then
proceed to the queue. It wasn't a long queue at all. The irritating
part was getting onto the capsule while it is moving. DAMN!
and the stupid thing was, I didnt bring my cammy. SHYT!
BUT lucky i had my Useless But Something phone with me.

At least, we get to spend time together. Our laughters are great!

Aniway, Thank You So Much Dear legong!!! Heeeehe!

Distress!!

2009-08-26T22:49:00.000+08:00

The weights is all pressing on my mind. Im still feeling
so pressurize even tough all my school's projects had finished.
I tought i'll be more calm after all this things is done, but it
seems to be worst.

What the hell is wrong with this life of mine?

Mom and Dad had damned me. Now some conflicts at home.
I tought they'll understand me cause i just want my own time
to be alone late night, but things seem to be worst again.
I don't wanna fight back with them cause i've had enough rebelling
and defiance towards them. I see no point cause after all,
i'll still love them & somemore, its the Month of so called "SAINT".
I've no heart to even raise my voice towards them.

I seem to be smiling and be more happier when friends are
around me. I did enjoy my time with them, having a laugh and
having a say. But its damn sucks when im all alone. My mind tends
to think and wonder too much, way too much.

I can't stay home. Perhaps, I dont't wanna be at home,
I don't even wanna be in my room. I'll feel so restless
and agitated to get out. I need fresh air! hm..
What could I do to distract myself from all this shyts in my
mind. Smoking is one Great Way but somehow, i know some
people say it lame, or whatever shyt!! Be in my shoe and you'll
sure understand more!! Im so frustrated with life. Can't wait
for all this shyts to over, but when??

im better of be dead.

-imy. f-

ARGH!!

2009-08-14T18:45:00.000+08:00

SOMEBODY??

ANYBODY??

EVERYBODY??

PLEASE KILL ME!! KILL ME NOW!!

ARGHHH!!

I HATE THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING NOW!!

FUCKING PIECE OF SHYT!! DAMN!!

I SO SO WANNA DIE!!

TOO BORED! TOO BUSY! TOO RESTLESS! TOO FUCKED UP!
TOO FRUSTRATED! TOO STRESS! TOO PRESURIZE!

ARGHHH!!

FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

.......haixx.........

if this could just be the ways it use to be,
i still wanna laugh and smile around with
people i love and with people i care.

IMY. f

Dead Gig

2009-08-09T16:00:00.000+08:00

There's alot of things i wanted to talk about, but i don't
know what is it. Seem like im keeping my own toughts.
Im feeling so lifeless now. I don't know what the hell im
doing again. Simply im staring at this laptop, and wanting
to to do my Psychiatric Project but nothing seem to move.

Yesterday, i had a fun time with the Bps again. Reached
home late, cause i took the last train. Suppose to stay at
gig and slack but the gig were so dead. Hahaha..Then it's
better we make a move from there. From bugis we walked
all the way to Orchard. Damn tired all because of this empty
stomach. Hehehe.....Went to 7-11 for while and bought some food.

After eating, then bye2 to the BPs.

Today, have to stay at home. Feeling so restless but i've
already promised my mum that i'll be helping her. So
yeah. Until i finished helping her and if there's still time, i'll
go out then, meet anyone i can meet up with. Hahaha..!
But im not even excited about the Fire Works ah. Nothing
much to see. Hmm...But if i were to fly together with the
Fire Works. Thats gonna be "COOL" !! Warghahahak!!

So yea, have to get going. I wanna go Bake cake. Put
the Creamer...etc..before mom reach home. Better for
me and for her.. Hahaha..! DONE!

" I'll upload yesterday's picture soon after i get it "
:)

Still Wonder

2009-08-06T20:35:00.000+08:00

Once again, wondering about life.

Im so busy to commit to things and get involve with
things i like or love. Can't spend proper time with Great
Buddies outside there. I've no time for my own Band. Sucks!
but i did went to gigs for some of the Saturday. Didn't really
slack with them. Well, i think i just have to motivate myself just
to go on. Maybe i've to Suffer first, enjoy later. Hmm....

I don't know what the fuck im doing now. Feeling so Clueless.
Just wanna see myself smiling with everyone. Hm..and now
close friends seems to show their care even more but some, i
don't wish to bother. After all, we live our life all alone right?

Went to school to Blast all those knowledge in this Brain. Then
class test n exams and go for attachments, and then END OF SCHOOL!!

WhhhuuuuHuuuuuUu!! but im sure i gonna miss schools time. Hehe! and
Wondering of my Working Life?? Arrghhh!! Having to start to support
my ownself. No more mom's & dad's help. Hm..

This days, my anger so sucks! My mood seems to swing quite fast.
I love it went im all laughing and enjoy with my girls at school, but
i hated it so much when it swings, it's damn annoying! So sucks to keep
myself shush for a long time. Feeling so irritated when my girls laugh.
What should i do now? So confusing. I think i just need someone by my side.
or Need to learn to relax myself. Hmm...Damn.

- Never make Kindness as a Weakness -

SOME ADDITION!!

The feeling is Once In a Life Time to have a New Precious

life to step in this World and Your Life. Erm...actually depends

HOW MANY you make ah..Hee! So yeah, he's My First Baby Boy..

EH! My Sister's second Child! Hahahahak!!

Lyke Hell if thats my Kid right?!! Nyeeehehehe!

He's almost 1month plus, that was the first time i carry him,

cause it was the first time. Hahaha! No lah, cause i was

damn sick back then. I don't wanna let go of him lar sey!

He's so stuck in my arm!

Damn Cuteness!

WHUUUHUUUUU!!

Im now An Auntie of 2 Sweethearts. Muack!

My sis told me, when she starts working it's my turn

to take care of him, Raiyyan Syukry, like I use to take

care of Nurul Syaqhirah which is my Niece when she

were little..hahaahak! Chey!

Whhhuhuuuuu!

Training lah seey! Good for my Future you Know!

HAHAHAK! Better be prepared! DAMN!

Like shyt. Like real! Macam Paham! Hmp

Love you 2 Sweethearts! Muack!

Reverse

2009-08-05T22:37:00.000+08:00

Uhhhhuuuu! Hehehe! Lets talk about last Saturday as i've

no time to update about it last previous days. So yeah.....

It was great!! Junkie makes me smile, really smile! We went out

to Marina Barrage eh..? Ah yalah! Then just did some sight seeing.

That place "nearly" crowded cause we've forgotten that its the NDP

preview today n cause the're gonna blast the Fire Works too rite.

HAHAHA..!

Then halfway, hairah has another plan which is to meet her

friend then meet her up. Its the Uncle! Hehehe. Meet him at City hall.

BUT before that, went Marina for while to 'shop'.. Junkie was so happy

to watch the Fire Works! Hahahaha! :P N im happy too! *wink*

Then meet up Uncle & Hairah at town. Randomly Damn last minture the

BPs called, that they wanna meet up. DAMN I MISS MAGGOT. Hahahaa!

We both together with Junkie & Uncle, meet them up. HAHAHA!

THEY WERE FORCED by us, due to some reasons ah. (thhehehe!)

Hm...n yeah...im bored now! Hmp!

oh yeah, We took some pictures with the BPs too.

Jeng! Jeng!

Nothing!

2009-08-05T02:09:00.000+08:00

Hello??!! Hahahhahak!!
Sucks! Fuck you! Ops! Soooreey...
Hmm....so yeah...
I just hate people who says they care for me
when they don't really meant it.

But the thing is, you don't have to love that
someone or anyone to care for them right..!?

Fucking Lame!

Even friends can care for each other!!!

Some people are just way hypersensitive and never
try to understand the situations.
SUCKER!

and yeah, recently had a LAME arguement with
someone. Im so lazy to debate and DAMN LAZY
to say sorry cause, First thing is, you don't understand the
situation. Second, You're Fucking Damn sensitive. Third, You give
Crap Reasons. Fourth, You're Fucking Rude and Getting on
my nerves and there's more.....

If u could KILL you, i've already did.
WORST THEN GIRLS!! HAIYOYOO!!!

but no worries, im okay now. Are we okay? I don't know..
but i WISH things are fine, "FRIEND".

Feelings?

2009-07-30T00:48:00.001+08:00

Just randomly wondering about my life. My love life? Speechless...

Nothing to say or maybe there's something, but i just don't know how to say it. I wanna say i hope, but hoping is just sucks anyway!

False hope, really CHOKE me to death! Arghh!

I just NEED someone to be there for me. Just that someone who could be by my side.

Be the listening ears, having the shoulder to cry on, getting to hug for some comfy.

But im afraid, i'll get the wrong one. Not every right choices turns out right. Some are Sweet and some are Sour. People change. Maybe cause of SHITS!

ITS ALL FUCKING DISTRACTIONS!!!

Who could really be my Advicer, a Lover and also a Motivater at the same time. Its easy. They just need to UNDERSTAND my LIFE. UNDERSTAND ME n MY SITUATIONS. I did share some stuff with some friends. The worst is the one that PRETEND to listen when they only says OK. Then nothing else, FULLSTOP. SUCKER!!

Maybe. i give too much faces to people around me. I've tried helping people around me, even on Financial problem.

And i don't get anything back in return??

even the TWO WORD "thank you"

FUCK YOU ALL!!

I can't even stand my own dad, who ask me for help?! Damn.

It sucks having this FUCKING mood to swing up and down so randomly! I hated blasting off at my innocence friends. ARGHH! SUCK! but im lucky, cause my girls are very patience, they understand and they will know when my monster comes.

I just wanna be hold tight. To be shown that he really do. AND NEVER SAYS BORED!! Dumbass!

But.... i've got nothing more to say.

Im just not myself.

- I'll be happier if im Dead now -

School!

2009-07-29T13:25:00.000+08:00

At school now!! Bring my lappy! At cafe2 with my crazy girls..

Feeling so lazy, had my lunch taken already but just a lil..My girls are laughing, I just surfing the net and going round and round. I joined their laughters too. Hehehe!

Lucky my lappy is here, if not i'll be sleeping by now, enjoying the damn air-con. Hehehe. Kinda freesing now. Hehehe!

I now wondering what my mood will be when i reached home. I maybe laughing now but..hm..speechless. So yeah, im out of words...just randomly post. Hehe.

blank....

2009-07-28T20:24:00.000+08:00

At last pictures could be uploaded, i've also uploaded some photos of the gig.
And that photo of mine on top, was just now using my webcammy..just took it cause boredom strikes!

Legs and tummy are fucking cramp. Me and Sha walking worst then old lady. So sucks! But today, school was okay. Its funny when having to go up and down the stairs. Cause it hurts so much that we could still laugh together, walking up the stairs worst then neneks. Hehehe.

Psychiatric class was damn dry! Morning was damn sleepy! Hahaha! Shyt sia me today!
Hmm...now, no mood. Have to force myself to do some revision. Got to go. Haixx....

Dead School

2009-07-27T19:46:00.000+08:00

Its NAFA today. Wasn't prepared at all. Feeling so lazy and draging myself on doing it. 2.4km run sucks. It hurts me alot since i've childhood asthma but at least i get no. 30+. Hehe! and i also used to be an athlete during my secondary school time. I was also positioned as Long-D. Miss those days, really.

After everything done, im quite happy. Time past really fast. I seem to smile alot today after having some hell shit time yesterday. But thanks to him im laughing the whole night. So yeah, saw him at the stadium, was happy and tought of suprising him but couldn't approach cause im going the other way when he's the other side.

Its raining and i love the wheather. I felt cold and calm, not restless but somehow sleepy. Hehehe.. Had a cold shower at school, it was great! I was laughing myself cause of the cold water and my friends laughed at me too. Hahaha!

Had my little lunch, and spend the whole hour at Cafe2 before class starts. So yeah, had some rest, legs are a lil cramp but no worries, did some warm up before the run starts.

Reached home tday, was kinda surprised and very happy. My sister came over along with my niece, Nurul and her lil brother,Raiyan Shuckry. Had some time with them, and at last!! I get to carry Raiyan cause im free from sickness! Whuuhu!

and now...have to do my project and do some revice. Hmm..

( Fucking Shit!! Still couldn't upload any pictures!! )

Unwasted Gig!

2009-07-25T17:48:00.000+08:00

Whuhhhu!! Yesterday's Gig was great! Didn't regret that i came over. School end at 11 and went off by 12. Then get home straight and have a short rest, then shower and get ready going for the gig. I still did a last minute sewing on my pants. Hehehe! Kinda find it too plain, so had to do something and i added some patches too. Hehehe!

Then went to meet Hairah at Cck. We bought some light food to eat in the bus (hehehe!) , then process to Crawlspace. In the bus already, enjoying our foods but we forget our drinks. : ( Hahaha! Dumb rite..hehe! But its okay! So reached bugis, we slack for a moment before the gig starts, took some shots and then went to Crawlspace. We knew not much people there, so we didn't went in, cause it's a Crusty Gig tough, then when there's smoke break, all the Streets came out. Hehehe! We were kinda happy. Then start making out noises. Standard! Hehehe!

We decide not to buy the tix and not to go in cause it might be too late. We dun wanna pay 7 bux for only 2 bands rite. Hahahhaa! Then when the last band came,the Bps also reached. Damn! We really miss them! Hehe! We were also invited in for free. Wuuhuu! Went in straight, everything seems to be happening. Me and Hairah were pushed into the mosh pit. Hahahah! I was hit at my head, it was funny somehow but we were irrtitated with the guy that pushes us in. Hm...

Right after the gig at around 11+, we're not sure where to go and as pernormal, group photo! Hehehe! But not all of us were there. We decide to take the Night Rider. Walk together slowly and pass by Akong, tought we're going home but we slack at there till 5+ am. Hahahahak! The guys starts talking cocks.Hahahha! Then me and hairah took the first train, reached my home, had shower and straight to sleep. We're damn exhauSted.Hahaha! Sleep untill its around 4+..

Hairah went off at 6+pm right after me and her had our dinner. Hahaha!

AND!

Now it's nearly 3am, so yeah. Off to sleep!! Good Nyte!

AT LAST, SOME PHOTOS!!

Nothing Much

2009-07-22T20:54:00.000+08:00

Damn! This blog is really making some shyt! I wanted to upload some photos of the days but....Haixx..Never mind then, its ok. Everything will be Okay soon, just that it would be too plain and bored without some picture. Haiya!

So yeah! Today there's some Solar Eclipes thingy..Didnt really focus on it, but early morning was like a disaster. When i was about to get out of my house, suddenly heavy wind blows all around then comes the heavy rain. Somehow, it was quiet scary somemore i was all alone under my void deck with those banging and crashing noises around me. Hehehe! I didn't wanna think much. Just walk forward and being quite alert on my surroundings too. Hehehe!

Reached school, everything was okay except my eyes! Damn sleepy! and im freezing cold! Argghhh!! Hahahak!! When there's 10min toilet break, i sleep. Lunch time, eat 2chicken wrap and then sleep. Hahahak!! My friends laughing like hell, i can still sleep. Hhahahha! After im awake, then join them laughing. Weird huh...hahaha!

Then I tought that i'll saw him at school today but never...then went home as pernomal, sleep again in bus 969 as pernormal. Hahahak! Tired you know! Hehe! Reached home, had warm shower, take a small portion of food for my dinner. Then went online! Hhahahahak!

Funney sey today's chat with him. Hhahahahak! Laugh and laugh non-stop. If can i'll be already laughting till my lungs came out. Hahahahk! I really enjoy today's chat. Memory babe! haha!

Mood Swing!

2009-07-20T22:24:00.000+08:00

There's some problem with this shit, so yeah i won't be posting a long one.

Morning was sucks, really sucks. My mood really swing. Feel like killing everyone around me, i don't know why. But i know, i should keep myself quiet or else i'll just blast off randomly. Damn! Haiyoo..! Then, when mood swing , someone makes my blood boil up too. But i just relex myself and keep myself shut. Thats the only way. Haix..
This mood goes on until half the day. But everything seems ok, i didnt throw temper at anyone anyway. So, thats good enought.

Had my lunch at Cafe2, its been long. But i really get irritated with the school boys. Shyt asses they are! Hm..Then break was from 12+ till 3pm class. Was so free, then went down to Cafe1 and just slack at there, i kinda had a short nap. :)

Untill the last lesson, i knew why i had this terrible mood swing. Hehehe! Shhh! Only girl knows! Hhahahak! Then went home like normal, only that i walk like an old lady today. Hehehe! Reached home, warm shower, go online..then went to had a short snack. Im damn hungry but it seems like i've no appetite, i don't know why. Haiyo!

When to blog, had a check again. Then went online on MSN. Hehehe! Like normal chat with who! Hehehe..Everything seems fine, im happy. :) Then suddenly cameby my niece infront of my room door knocking..was shocked, and quickly gave her a huge hug! Hehehe! really miss her! Then we had a hell time together, we wrestle and kept laughing together-gether. Hehehehe! But somehow, she also distract me while my chating. Hhahahahk! Then now waiting for my clown to call. :P

Happening!!?

2009-07-20T00:04:00.000+08:00

" Today's photo! Back from Town! "

Ouukeey.....now i don't know where to start...hehehe!

Then let me start from Saturday. Erm...nothing much during the day, just went to meet an old close friend and spend our time together. Reached home quite early around 8pm. Then went online at late nite. Wow! Really happening that nite, was chatting with him. Hahahak! I mean Ezam. It was funny! The longest chat we had, late till 4.30am i guess. Hahahak!

We really really did talk alot. Serious from A to Z. Hehehe! Talk about our life. Long long story. Hehe! Im so glad we did share something. Then we had a hell laughing time! Hahhaak!! Know why?? Cause we talk about us bumping into each other, and when those sillyness starts. Hahahahk!!

Then as for today, mix feelings. Sadness are around too, but don't really feel like showing them. Keeping to myself is the best, i guess. Morning had breakfast at Mc.D..It was okay. Then late afternoon around 4pm went out to town, with a close friend of mine. We really had fun together. Havoc and laughters are around. Hehehe! Then reached home quite early too, at around 9pm. Cool myself down then had a warm shower. Never had my dinner yet but i go online first. Then i went to my blog, just to have a check and suddenly feel like looking at his updates too. So went to look at it, was quite unexpected cause he was not okay.

I didn't know why im shocked but i know why im very worry. Then i really feel uneasy, so i go online then there he is! Hehehe! Happy that his online, so that i could talk to him and at least hope that i could calm him down. Hmm...then it seem like things are relex now. Well i can't say much cause im not in his shoe. But it seem like we had some laughters too. Im quite happy about it then suddenly now i had some issues with someone. So sucks. I don't wanna talk about it. Hm...

Free from sickness??

2009-07-16T21:04:00.000+08:00

Hey Ho!! At last i get to come to school on last

Tuesday. So excited and damn happy. I huged
my bestfriend straight at the interchange when i

saw her. It's supposed to be Monday but my fever

had not cool down yet, so i've to suffer again.

I really hated being sick. Hahahak! So yeah.

My sick days since last wednesday so sucks!

I couldn't get out of the house for at least 5days!

Can die man! hahahak! Being all alone at home too.

So sad rite and bored! I couldn't use the internet

and couldn't go online cause my big bro took the

modem away. Argggh!!

Irritating shit! And the only things i did is just..

Eat, Take medicine, Rest, Watch Tv, Sleep. LAME!

I feel so hopeless man!! Hahahah!

Lets forget about those days, now school started!

My nose and my voice is still NOT okay! This was

unexpected cause when i blow my nose out, i

realise there's fresh blood stain. I don't feel pain but

i feel discomfort. Its ok, i've told my mum n teacher.

Waduuh!

But GREAT enough my fever is DOWN! Hehehehe!

And my Big Bro left a wire in his room and thats why i

get to online! wee! Heeheeehe!

And yeah, school today was okay. No comments.

But! I saw Ezam! i smile n talk! at last!! hehe! But I

think before that i also saw him when i was having a

toilet break. Hehe! n yeah! Im sorry we didnt talk

much, i need to go n meet up my Bestfriend, Hairah. :)

Hope to see you around again Pak Cik! Well....

Actually, i still feel awkward ah, macam kekok sey

when i saw him. Hhahahhahhak!! Fuunnney...

Bad Bad Day!!

2009-07-10T21:25:00.000+08:00

Damn! Days are not going well, perhaps..

everything seems so sucks! Argh!! Im so freezing cold

outside but damn boiling inside. I couldn't take it any

more with this high fever! My temperature could shoot

up till 39.9 degree C. Am not sure if it's H1N1..But i hope

that im not infected.Im afraid if i would spread it to my

family..haix...I went to the nearby doctor already n get

2 days mc, but the medicine doesn't seem to work.

All day since thursday, i've been isolating myself at

home, mom also don't allow me to go out of room.

I don't know why, but my temperature kept going

up and down. I wanna go to school this Monday. Haix..

I felt so useless.....

N yeah...i just wanna say sorry to a dear fwen..

my fwen did approach me and says hello,

but i kinda,not. I wasn't really aware with my surroundings

with this condition of mine since wednesday..We are

supposed to talk like we always did at msn, but that day

was so terrible for me. Stupid running nose with

that dump useless inhaler...Haiyoo!!

Really really am so soory...Haixx...

Far Away

2009-07-01T17:48:00.000+08:00

Wei!! Wei!! Its been long i've not post! Damn!

i think im lazy to post sey. Seriously..

Heehe!

Niway, I was away for 2weeks on 12June, thats

why I've not post since. So yeah. I went to Vietnam

for my school, YEP thingy. Its was great! I

meet new friends. Seem like they're now more

like family. Heehe! Racial harmony babe! Hehe!

Alot of things happen there, feelings are build and

misunderstanding and helping and FUUH! Alot lah!

I just can't wait to receive all the pictures!

I would just wanna thanks all of them, they've

all been really supportive and kept motivating

each and other. :)

I really enjoy those tough time and easy time with

all of them.

Thanks guys!!!

ILY!!

Toi Yeu Ban!!

AND YEAH!! Some addition...

When I was away, mum really really cleaned my

room. Its a Total Make-over! Oh Dear! Im so

speechless....she really tought that I like it but it

was too organise. All my memories were cleaned

away. I was quite dissapointed..but i said nothing

only thank you. It was so 'Princessy'. Haha! My walls

are pink, my bed sheet are pink n also my pillow! Haha!

Soft toy were place on the new wall shelf.

Its quite funny..so not me.

But its ok! Hhaahak!! As long as I don't bring any friends

into my roomy! Hehehe! But..thank you for everything mum.

ILY!! heeehe!

Why!!

2009-06-05T21:13:00.000+08:00

I don't know whats so wrong with me. When im with all my friends and with all the others, I felt so normal but inside me, i just felt something is wrong. I day dreaming often nowdays. Even when someone is talking to me, i could just fly myself high up the skies. I realised I kinda had mood swings too. I didnt want things to be so black and dark, I didn't ask for it, but what could I do, it just came by.

Im ain't emo shyt but this just one hell shyt life I had. Pouring is one of the way to make myself satisfied. Seems there's no other way, and i DON'T do slitting and all those shyt! I need to understand myself, but im too busy and seems to rush most of the things in life. I may need someone to talk to, but i don't know how to start.

There's alot of things running in my mind. I just wanna clear all those ASS! but how? I kept saying i don't understand. Damn! Am I just confused or Im making myself confused? Heehe!

Fucking shyt sia me! Hurhurr!!

Niwae, Life sucks! Am TOO BUSY! Can't meet friends, can't really talk to them, can't really spent time with them and make full of bullshyts! Damn! I misses that so much! I'll just have to calm myself down. Maybe im getting a lil too paranoid. Its ok. I've only had mood swings at night.

So, anyone? Sleeping Pills pleasee...Hehehe!

I don't understand?

2009-06-01T19:37:00.000+08:00

Sometimes..I don't understand having someone in life that seems like im not having that someone. What is it life having someone you needed and she/he isn't trying to be deep inside you. Im just too tired to quarrel about anything in my love life. I've never had a real fight for a long time. Things seem to be so less bothering, but more like hack care. Is that what care is?

Others show me more then whom is supposed to show me. Why does this has to happen? I've had enough,seriously. Im not bored but im tolerating. I don't wanna drag this till too long.

And why is it me always the one that have to run after someone. Maybe im being too soft. Yeah im that soft hearted kind but what to do. I give face to people too much. But i don't wanna be too harsh in 'that' life. I don't get it what way should i go? Maybe, i'll just shut myself up for a moment. I won't make myself get hurt from anything or anyone. I knew i've to be much much more stronger in 'that' life, SERIOUSLY.

Lets just focus and get busy with my work. Haix..What a life?

Not everything is okay.

2009-05-25T22:48:00.000+08:00

Im not so sure what is happening to us.

Nothing seem to be good and maybe okay?

I don't know what else you wanted, and

i don't know what are you so busy with

untill we couldn't get to meet up.

Why does this have to happen?

Im trying my best to make things work.

If you don't want things to work you could

just tell me. I can't drag my life any more

longer. What should i do now? Keep myself

shut? Saying nothing when something is

actually wrong. I couldn't balance things

in life if you keep pulling yourself away

and giving youself negative toughts.

I don't wanna give up. Cause i know

that this is just small things. And it's

all just a challenge of life.

And one more thing. I hated to much when

you pretend nothing is wrong and we are all

just fine, when you know that nothing is

actually fine.

Tired beb!

2009-05-23T23:39:00.000+08:00

Was damn exhauted today! Haix...Was out of

home almost thewhole day. Woke up at 5+am in

the morning for work that endsat 2pm..Dragging

myself like a walking dead zombie. Hehe! And

irritating beb! My eyes were SOOO SOOO the

"pain" Heehe!!

Then have to go back to school for the YEP THINGY.

Which is that the S'pore Malay Orphans came down

to visit my school. The kids were really great. The first

thing they saw me, they say "HELLO KAKAK!" with

a big smile and they 'salam' me. Hehe! They were

all cuteness and great but the same time pitifull. And

MOST of them are

HYPER HYPER ACTIVE! HAHA!

Then did art with them. Painting the "sticks" and

painting our hands.Hehe! Somehow, some of them

are WAY PLAYFULL.. hehehe! But after all

everything was fine.

After the painting lesson, we show them around

the school. ( The first level only ) *Hehe!

but they did enjoy. There's always the

positive and negative.

Then evrything finished with a kiss from

my 2 lovely girls. Atiqah and Imah. *Wink*

Went out of school around 8pm and

reached home around 9+pm.

Waddooh!! wadoh! Hehe!

BUT!!

thats not the end....

Am suppose to turn up for shar's birthday

party at Sentosa. Maybe most of the punx

were present.I was sad i couldn't turn up

because of school stuff till late at 8pm.

Hairah and others reached at 7pm. Haiya...

but its ok....there's always another day.... :)

SENTOSA!!!!

2009-05-22T22:30:00.000+08:00

WEeeewee!! Went to sentosa!

Sot invited us along...

It is suppose to be with the punx

but the redsleeve bubble ah..Haiya.

All happened that day, last minute!

But! Nevermind! Me, Hairah, Sot and Cicak

went there and enjoy ourselves.
Sot also bring along her 2 girlfwens.

After all is was quite fun.

I didn't want to swim but after reaching there,

after getting myself so comfirtable playing with

the water half my leg....

THEN I WANTED TO SWIM!!

damn ritee....! ah ni lah! aku mentel nah..Hehe!

BUT i did swim A LIL BIT. HAHA!!

AT LEAST i bring along extra *TUT!*

Hahahhhaah!!

Then me and hairah strum our guitar while

sot and cicak berendam. *hee

then camwhoring2. Gerek plak!

Hahahhak! Pictures are great! Thanks to

hairah! wee! hehe!

until around 4+ or 5...sot 2 girlfwen come over.

Bikini babe.....hehe! then swim2.

and went off from sentosa around 7+.

What a day! Here the Pictures!

Actually bnyk! then makcik hairah blom

send2 agi.... ;( Hehe! ITS OK!

Weee! Ni sot dah strip daah...*Heehe

AWWW!! Sweeee kan! swweet kan! Heeeehe! ppft.

ALAMAK!! SOT! tangan takde lagi besar ko?? heeeh!

Step baywatch jap laah ehhh! HAHHAHAH!!
LIKE SHYT BAYWATCH!

Our first feeew shots... :)

The our faces starting its foolneeess......on the WAY!! hehe!

ALAMAK HAIRAH!! heeeeehe!!

Sad?

2009-05-10T23:59:00.000+08:00

Its seems like, i only write when im down.

I didn't know why i have mood swings

especially at night?

Im in delima?

Or im just confused?

I need to find myself.

So sudden?

2009-05-05T23:51:00.000+08:00

I didn't know why you suddenly decide

to make a U trun. Why you suddenly care

to bring me along to your graduation day

and ever bother to text me.

Its a shock that you said you missed

me. I tought I wouldn't be hearing that

anymore from you. Usually, it's all from

me. I don't understand you now.

You need me or you want me?

You miss her more, i know.

It's all writen in you.

Now what should I do? Should I bother

you now? Im still in delima of attending

the day with you. Im not your date,

but you said I am.

Im sorry. Im still confused.

Too Busy.....

2009-04-28T00:09:00.001+08:00

Hey hey!!!

I've been wanting to update my blog!

At last! Wonder why im so busy..haiyaa..

Usually everytime when i wanna use the cp..

sure there'll be a moron conquring it.

Damn! Not fair!

Niwae..today was first day at IMH..Hehe!

Cool place..and damn hot man. Couldn't take

the sweat. Heehe! Need packs of tissue to go there.

After all everything is great. Just couldn't wait

for tomorrow. Excited beb! Hehe! So yeah..

I'll stop here then.

Nite2!

ON CONSTRUCTION!!

2009-04-23T00:12:00.000+08:00

BLOG STILL ON CONSTRUTION!!

Hehe!

Too busy to update bloggie..

Sorry sorry bloggers!

Get back soon!!

Photos of days ! !

2009-03-29T23:45:00.001+08:00

* THE "WALK" *

Oh! These are some of the photos that i uploaded....

Those previous days..just for fun..hehe!

As for the photos below here:

Me and the girls went for the 'WALK' hehehe!

( Photo taken by Sha. Edited by Dee )

Biase lah kite....like normal posing-posing....hehe!

Girls maah.... :)

and now the plan of going where?!

Damn it!

And while there're discussing, me and sha...CAMWHORING!

Thankie thankie to Sha for this picture! i love it! :)

This photo taken before reaching City Hall.

Like always Saripah Rugayah. Hehehe! amek gambar

jek muke sememek! hm....!

(Us at reflection! HAHAHAK! )

* BOTTLE TREE PARK *

I think this was last Thursday or Wednesday. After a long

interview at school, went to meet Hairah. Spend our time

at my house, makan-makan and gila-gila.

Then we went out @ nite around 9+ go to the nearby

" Bottle Tree Park "

Hairah, lets be my temporary model. Hehe!

PHOTOGRAPHY! I JUST LOVE IT!

PICTURE! Its all from the heart. Chey! Hahaah!

Awwww Hairah......She's lovin` it! Hahak!

Ermm......Photos stops here. Theres more, but i think

thats enough. Im tired. Wanna sleep! Nite2!

Holidays?

2009-03-27T00:50:00.000+08:00

Holidays up!! and still still busy! Damn it! Busy

with friends and family. Schedule still still pack!

Mommy really need me to be at home. Damn!

But i've to out to for some dancing practice and also

need to meet my girls for jamming sessions. Hm...

Guess why mommy need me at home??

ITS PAINTING TIME!!

Heehee!! Its a sudden thing that she wanted to do?

damn! I busy she kacau oni! hehe! Mommy says the

boys at home are lazy pigs! Haha!! Its really true!

Meera!! my mum wanted purple for the living room! Hehe!

I hate doing things alone! :( I want some fwens pwesh?! Hehe!

Anyway! Hardworking kan??! Hahahak!!

AND there she is....my mommy! Paiting with her hardworking daughter...

Hahaahha!! like shit! hardworking eh..hehe! and yeah!

Sorry! home is messy messy!!

Hope everything finished A.S.A.P!! Goodluck to me! hehe!

*winked*

21st March Gig

2009-03-24T20:51:00.000+08:00

Just forget about the previous post aite.

So yeah..about the 21st gig? Hehe... * Speechless*

Went there with Zul. Thank you so much! Hehe!

While on the way there, saw a beautiful sunset

and the wonderful rainbow. First time sia!! Haha! : )

Couldn't take a picture of it cause of some reason. *winked*

*Reached*

Im so so glad that the Bps come.Went in with them

and watch System Error perform. Their song ehh...

no comments..hehe...it was neutral but do upgrate. hee..

Everything seems fine, don't bother thing that make

me feel irritated. hehe! So yeah. Stay inside there for a

moment. It was fun & cold inside. The moshpit was great

and kind of funny. Hehe! and there's a lost drunken

indian boy. God damn irritating man! Arghh...Hehe! Things are

quite happening but sadly hairah wasn't there with me.

Hm.....

After gig..took picture with the Bps! wee!! hehe!

but after that didn't went home with them. Stayed there

till the last band and went off together with zul

cause he stayed near me too. ; )

*The end*

Hehe!

Empty

2009-03-22T22:12:00.000+08:00

Am just feeling low, need to be left alone.

Im all speechless.

Temporary Break-Off !!

2009-03-21T14:41:00.000+08:00

At last everything is over !! Every single suffers

from exams are over. Hehe! Now it's time to go

out-course. Having to go for the 'Attachments'

Damn..Hehe.. After the last paper, me and my

girls spend our time together.

Went out for dinner at Soul Garden. Cam-whoring

at that place. Hahak! Oh yeah! We also celebrate

Nana's birthday in advance. Hehe! Spending out time

at that place from 6.30pm till 10pm. Blowing our

stomachs away. Hehehe! I did really had fun. Hm..

After dinner, we had no where else to go. No plan.

It also quiet late. So we slack for amoment outside

that place and cam-whoring. Hehe.Picture Time!

Oh no! Heehe!! We'll always have this session. :) Its a break!

Slack! slack! slack! and sha's guy was here too.

Thanks to azhar for this photo. Hehe...

Wonder why senget?? Ask the pro photographer.
Hehehe! Ask Saripah lah..

And there she is! Nana @ left the Birthday girl. Happy 21st Birthday

Mama! hahahaha!! and she's holding her surprise present... :)

AND the right one...Saripah! the photographer. Hahhaha!

Im going to miss you girls! Please do take care and

goodluck for your posting. We'll meet again!

and we'll contact with each other! weee!

The "Punkfest"

2009-03-20T23:56:00.000+08:00

Otey! Otey! Tumowo got gig huh....so call Punk

fest lah. Oni oni few punk band playing. Hehehe!

Am supporting most of them, all of them. heee...

Whats got into me?? hehe! Alritey! I not sure of

going for that gig. Macam malas plak. Hehe.... :D

Just feel like slacking at home and have a long rest,

but...i don't know lah. See how, im going to confirm

with zul tomorrow. Somemore my dear hairah,

may not be able to come along tomorrow as she's

going for a short holiday with her family. Best sey!

So yeah,have updated the poster above.

Am still wondering who will be present for the gig.

I've called Didi and he's going maybe alone. Hmm...

But really really hope the Bps will be coming.

It's been awhile never meet them. I'll update again

how's the gig. That's if i go lah. Hehee...

Unexpected

2009-03-19T22:28:00.000+08:00

Everything was unexpected. I tought i wouldn't

meet you again and be able to spend time with you.

Be able to joke around and see you smiling and

having to feel something i need from your heart.

Yet we did spend our time together. Thanks for

your time. I really need that.

Things was going well and fine in our life.

But there's other more things for me to think of.

Just can't stop being and feeling restless.

Its just so irritating. What can i do to release all

this toughts? To think back again..even if it

could be release, it won't be for long. Hmm....

cause the problem will always be there.

Its ok. Holidays are coming very very soon.

I'll try to manage things myself. I can't always

depends on my friends. I've got to think my own

way, cause it's my choice and it's my life.

My Heart

2009-03-16T23:06:00.000+08:00

Only my heart knows everything. Only she knows who

she really wanted to be with. Who she really needs.

Someone who could show her something useful in life.

Someone who could really spend proper time

together with her. Who holds her hand tight and

understands her feelings. Who could really took care

of her feelings and someone who is always by her side.

Everything was there for her, right infront of her eye.

Staring at her eyes and just waiting for her to say 'yes'.

Everything just wasn't right. Nothing was alright that

moment. Tears are all flowing by her cheeks.

All she can say is, ''Im sorry''

And all she wonders is, why things has to

be this way.

Bestfriends are Loved!

2009-03-15T21:51:00.000+08:00

When trouble comes in life, there's always

someone you need to talk to and there's

always a way to solve it. Friends are

one of the important people in life. That's

why if you need a friend, respect yourself

first and they'll respect you.

If you need a real bestfriend, they're the

ones who don't only makes you laugh

but they are the one that understands you.

If you make mistakes, they'll be the

one to correct you.

They give you great advise and try hard

on everything that they could. I appreciate

alot having a bestfriend like hairah.

There's also great mates in life like Shar

and the BPs.

They'll always makes me laugh and make

my world colourful.

and there's alot alot more photos.

Nothing will be great.

2009-03-15T19:50:00.000+08:00

Things wasn't great today. Had an argument

with my mum this afternoon. Just wasn't expected

for her to curse me the whole day. We went

hay-wire. It was my mistake, but i only forget to

did something which is not urgent. Sometimes,

every small little things could lead to big

disaster. Im still trying to understand her.

Our relationship couldn't get any better.

Even if it does,it would only be for a moment.

Well, today's also my 11th months anniversary

with my guy. Didn't meet each other due to

some things he has to attend. At least we meet

last friday. Trying hard to make things better.

Trying my best to spend proper time with him.

There's still something i would like to express to

him but i just won't wanna say much. Maybe it's

not time yet. We should just express our feelings.

My first posting.

2009-03-14T15:59:00.000+08:00

This is my first blog. So yeah....im quite blank.

Its ok if things are too plan. I need time for this too..

hehe! Just had a sudden feeling of making this blog just to

vommit out whats in my mind. Talkingto bestfriend are one of

the thing. So yeah, whats on my mind now?Nothing...

Im just too bored. All alone at home, same goes like ystrday,

having to wait someone for hours who promised to go out.

Im stillwondering if i had really spend my time

properly outside. hm....What is life all about?

At School

2009-03-09T05:00:00.000+08:00

Now at school.
Don't know what the hell im doing!
Nothing seems to get into my head!
and into my God Damn Brain!

ARghHH!! After this, is my Psychiatric Test.
I know i not really stress about it but i don't know
why im feeling quite restless now. Shyt! Shyt! Shyt!

My girlfriends, ther're doing their own stuff. Some are repeating what
they've studied, some are getting themself crazy, some are resting.
Lucky I bring my lappy along!
If not, i'll sure be dozing off. Hahaha.. End school at 6pm today.
An old friend wanna meet up but i don't feel like meeting up.
I've got a project to do and im just waiting for the day to hang out
with A Scorpion King. We stay nearby, yet we've not even seen each
other before. So yeah, i'll stop here.

Am bored!

Freaking BORED!