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If freedom really exists, I wouldn't be who i really am now.
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Sunday, December 20, 1:01 AM
Im sorry too
unties and uncles. I couldn't text you cause my batt were flat. I also didnt bother to text you. But one thing, i also felt very awkward not getting your messages. I don't know why but im used to getting them no matter what. Sometimes, i wanted to text you but i felt i better not. Sometimes when i don't bother to text you, i'll go wonder how are you doing? where you're at? with who? and sometimes when i don't feel like caring but i cant cause i'll be worry for you wherever you are...hmm.... I've already read your blog. What you said, everything was almost right. I didn't know and didn't expect that things between us will happen this way. I tought that we'll be going on smoothly. It's not only because of you but it's also my fault. I was too afraid i'll hurt you like the others does,thats why i kept giving you face and not think about myself. You know, i've told you to leave how many times.You know i don't dare to, because i know i will hurt you deep again. So i've no choice, it sucks seeing you cry so hard infront of me. Making me feels the pressure and carry the loads of guilt. I know what you're facing in your love life but i believe, you'll find your true one,one day. There's also something i don't like what you did. Why you like to reveal my name so much on your blog. You might not know what other readers will say about me right. Haix....Its not that i don't appretiate it, but you'll know others might not know our real story. Now, its my turn. Hafizh..whatever it is. I don't wanna lose you even as a friend. I've always say, lets take things slowly but this had happen. It can't be forced already. I also wanna tell you that, you're a great friend to be with. My laughters with you..well..you know right. So please, don't be too sad and kept thinking about you love life. It gonna hurt you much much more. Get up from your feet and stop being sensitive. I believe you are much more stronger than who i've always seen infront of my eyes every Weekends. I wanna see you smile and i still wanna see us laught together again. :) imy friend. im sorry i've hurt you. :( Wednesday, December 16, 12:01 AM
Thanks Lurve
![]() Hey babe...no worries. Im feeling quite ok now. Im not thinking way too much like few days ago. I just hope that we'll be able to spend most of our time together again, like how we used to be. I'll be able to be like how i've always been with you or without u. Ermm........ Irwan.....don't worry aite! She'll be a goodgirl when she's with me. Hahahahak! Hairah, what u said is right. I can't wait smiling and really feel the joy in heart without any sadness or worries. School is done. I don't have to worry about it anymore. Life is growing. Yes i can see, but as it grows, it gets harder. Working life is really starting soon. I've to support myself but not only that but my mum too. I don't know why, but i felt like its still too early. Hm..thanks love, for being there by my side. I just don't wanna disturb your happiness too and make things diff for u. :) Sometimes, we've to handle things ourself in life. Cause its our own problem for us to solve. Being able to see how strong or stronger can we be. :) So, no worries babe. Im going to see us smiling and laughting together again, sooner. Just hope that there's no any other distractions in life. I just need your smile to motivate me. I miss you too dear!! Hairah's ![]() Hey girl,see this pic above? im very sure u want to be that happy like u are in the pic.i miss u soo much.i know that, we wished you'll be like the old you, diana.the one whose always having fun with no worries.things totally change now. Things are way diff.i wish, im an angel( -_-" ) to grant u ure happiness.i know we seem to rarely contact now.im just blank in mind.i thank you for being glad towards me.being glad that someone who can really take good care of me.but you too have to keep this in mind, i too need my bestfriendto always be there for support. like how i too always support you.I understand you've been busy with work, school life and maybe him or another him. Thought i gave u ure own space, instead, toooo much space.that we did not even contact. =( even though im not with you, but you do know iyll always be there for you,right?U do know im sooo not good at helping people with probs.but i am a listening ear right. How i wish i can erase all your problems away.i know. too much wishes. -_- how u always told me to be patient in handling problems? and how u always told me to pray hard?yeahh. vice-versa.vice-versa.vice-versa aite grl. Its okay, im always here for you love.=) Thursday, December 10, 1:31 AM
Hopeless
![]() Life is lame. It is just hopeless. I can't see any point. Im here maybe just to help some love once out, then im done. Isn't it suppose to be my happiness too? What's my thinking. I don't even know. Everything is rushing in head aimlessly. I hate it so much. I wanna be free. I wanna feel free. Free from all those sadness and miserable things. I've had enough. Im too dry to get wet again. But whatever it is, i will still get wet. There's always a night that i'll soak my pillow. What is it about now in life..? Giving myself space. Giving myself happiness. Whatever shyt it is, i won't give a damn. How am i gonna get happiness..? Maybe it comes from deep in me, thinking of who i really am. Im smiling, yes i may seem happy. Once the moon rises, the pressure would rises too. Everything is a shyt. Which devil that i had turned into. I see no point being good to humans too. If there's no such thing as reality, i would be the most happiest and free girl of all. I'll go fly around the world, doing what i've always been wanted,with hairah. Smiling & laughing aways without any sadness or pressure that would strikes and spoils me. How is it gonna be now..? I just hope i could hold myself longer. Lets take thing real real slowly. When school ends, 1 shit pressure is out. When work end, 2 shit pressure is out. But when my relationship ends, maybe pressure comes in more then 2times. With love...or without love..my pressure will always stucks deep in head, that i feels like breaking it up and burn them all. Thats why, im lazy to fall in love but i know i appreciate from him. I've to be strong and keep going on. This is the downs in life. Let tolerate and find the ups. I don't wanna lose myself too. Thursday, December 3, 11:55 PM
So Down
![]() I don't know why, but i felt so down. I just wanna be left alone. Why are you working so hard to be there for me. Its not that I don't appreciate it but i just don't expect that much from you. Your care and concern is enough to make me smile. Your smile can also make me smile but how much harder you wanna work youself. You're just hurting youself more. I don't want and i don't like you to try your best. Just be the way and take things easily. There may be alot out there, but im the one that sees with my eyes close, but my heart open. It takes time, how long i don't know myself. I just don't feel like it now, cause im lazy. Im too busy with shyts around me. I wanna get myself settle and relex. Enjoy myself maybe to the fullest. I just see no point in life. I hate myself. Why did things has to be this way..? Hmm...never mind dee, its ok. Just take your time. Everything will be ok soon after you're not busy. I gonna take my time for myself but im afraid you won't understand. It may be hard for you but it is harder for me. I just don't know how to say things out. sorryy... Wednesday, November 25, 11:38 PM
Anny & Johnny
![]() There's a story that i wanna share and its about Anny&Jonny. It has not end yet and just hope it won't end. One fine day, they accidently pass by each other at a beautiful garden. A warm smile were given when they face each other. Both were drawn to each other's smile, they decide being friends and start conversations. Stories of each other's life were shared together. Both were happy sharing and telling stories, so they spend most of their time together again and again and again.... There's ups and downs in Anny's life. Her school, her family, her work and also her relationships. She sucks at handle most of them. All she can do, is to cry over it and keep wondering and keep thinking and hurting herself more. She is an asshole. Johnny makes her happy most of the time. Till one day, she realise she's not happy with who she had become. Not strong like who she used to be. Losing her patience and softness over small things. Taking in too much that what she had stop taking in. Bloating up and getting mood swings most of the time even when Johnny is by her side. It's not Johnny's fault but she had choose it this way somehow. She realise it so much that she has to be alone to find her trueself back. She's not comfirtable being her this way. All she hope is that, Johnny will understand her situations. She actually didnt meant it of leaving her all alone. Johnny, do u know that she cried all nite after saying that. She really has no heart to say that but she really has no choice. All she want, is Johnny to take very good care of himself and smile when she's away... and yeah..this is what Anny said to me too.... " I'll always be by his side to see him smile & cry even if it comes to the worst. Im so sorry Johnny dear...please Smile for me.." Friday, November 20, 10:02 PM
Bestfriend
![]() How long have we not been contacting each other? How long have i not heard your voice? How long had we never meet and had a proper conversation? I guess its nearly a month. Things are different now. Its actually sad not to hear from you and not approaching you for long due to some shyts. Life is different now. It seems like we're doing our own things. Where are you dear? Do you know how much i misses you? Im so sorry if i've been too busy with work, school, life. It's very difficult for me now. I've seen what i need to do in life to make things better. Things at home are getting worst too. I still need you by my side and talk and to motivate. I miss alot from you n so are you. Where's our laughters gone? Im wondering how are you doing and im so sorry i cant be there by your side when you're not okay. Everytime i tried calling you, it seems like i can't get through. Im glad there's someone there for you and loves you from his heart. Being able to really takes good care of you. Make you and seeing you loving him too. Im happy seeing you happy. I hate listening to your voice and having us to tears cause of misses. I hope we'll meet again soon. I can't wait to jump onto you HUG you KISS you and say... I MISS YOU SO MUCH HAIRAH!!!! ![]() ![]() ![]() Thursday, November 5, 10:59 PM
Finding myself
![]() I've to be truth to myself. Im making myself confuse. Let me try to be straight to myself and try speaking things out. I don't know whats wrong with me again. It sucks when i kept saying i don't know and really meaning it that i really don't know why. I just hate how things are going now. Works and schools are simply sucks! I know im pushing myself each day. Having the feeling of exhaustion is fucking annoying and irritating. My back and my legs are fucking hurting me more. Even after i get a long rest for myself, it still hurts like shyt! I do wish to sleep longer and i really do need a long rest..but sometimes my dreams are all affecting me. Everyday, i seem to force myself to be awake from my sleep and draging myself to face my world of tormented reality. Argghhh... Whatever it is, life still do have to go on. I just need to know how to control my own life. Control on what i want and what i need. Maybe i gonna stop working for the mean time while im having my school attachments. It seems like i couldn't handle 2 jobs at a time. Or i'll only take those Saturdays and rest on sundays. I really need to concerntrate on my school. Haixx...damn irritaing! and again about myself that i hated...since after i start working, i seem to start drinking again. Which im already heavy with that damn ciggies. And also getting high while working. Hah! Fucking Shyt ah Dee! I've got to find myself back..i really need to. Maybe i know how, but that's if i dare and if im strong enough. It's also for my own good but im just too soft hearted. How am i gonna be firm in my own life. The only way is..i just need to be alone. To be left all alone. Think about myself. Lock myself in my room to get a PROPER LONG LONG rest. This is also not a fucking emotional way eh.. Hmm....... |
thedeceptionist
Vanity isn't a sin, a little narcissm wouldn't hurt.![]() It's all about myself in this Shyt Life. All about Freedom and being Comfirtable of Me. Being who I Really am without being Control or Restrict. Being able to Socialize with Anyone and Everyone. Stubborn was born together with me. Rebel if Restricted. I live the way I live and Mum had set me Free. Mum says, " Is to Love is to let go ". Don't get it, ASK ME.
Tattoo and Piercing are my Kind. They are Arts and Stories of Life. If I could have them in reality, Tattooes of mine, will be full of my Life Stories, My Past , My Present and also My Sweet Memorise. People Come and Go in Life. That's why, it's all about Yourself. If you die, you'll die alone. If you live, you don't live Forever.
There's also some people that i mix with. Those people are someone that whom im confirtable being with. They are people that have some limits. They give Laughters and Smile to me. They are my Kind of Society.
STILL NOT DONE YET!! |
partnersincrime
Dee Friendster Dee Dashboard Moronic Brat! Hairah Friendster Azieee A.I Shazhar Nana Neaya Ahmad Piano Meera Purplish Atyqa Hanafie Redish Yolane Lovely Amirah Reen Margereen Sheril Chocolaty Isabella Celestine Kimberly Ann Maksim Mahmod Bujang backtoyesterday
+ Im sorry too + Thanks Lurve + Hopeless + So Down + Anny & Johnny + Bestfriend + Finding myself + Not Myself + Fly Away + Raye Celebratiooon wheni'mgone
+ 03/09/09 + 03/14/09 + 03/15/09 + 03/16/09 + 03/19/09 + 03/20/09 + 03/21/09 + 03/22/09 + 03/24/09 + 03/27/09 + 03/29/09 + 04/23/09 + 04/28/09 + 05/05/09 + 05/10/09 + 05/22/09 + 05/23/09 + 05/25/09 + 06/01/09 + 06/05/09 + 07/01/09 + 07/10/09 + 07/16/09 + 07/20/09 + 07/22/09 + 07/25/09 + 07/27/09 + 07/28/09 + 07/29/09 + 07/30/09 + 08/05/09 + 08/06/09 + 08/09/09 + 08/14/09 + 08/26/09 + 09/13/09 + 09/30/09 + 10/09/09 + 10/15/09 + 11/05/09 + 11/20/09 + 11/25/09 + 12/03/09 + 12/10/09 + 12/16/09 + 12/20/09 takeabow
An accidentality production Inspiration from DancingSheep & BONBON:D |
theventingmachine
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