I've to be truth to myself. Im making myself confuse. Let me
try to be straight to myself and try speaking things out. I don't
know whats wrong with me again. It sucks when i kept saying
i don't know and really meaning it that i really don't know why.



I just hate how things are going now. Works and schools are simply
sucks! I know im pushing myself each day. Having the feeling of
exhaustion is fucking annoying and irritating. My back and my legs
are fucking hurting me more. Even after i get a long rest for myself,
it still hurts like shyt! I do wish to sleep longer and i really do need
a long rest..but sometimes my dreams are all affecting me.



Everyday, i seem to force myself to be awake from my sleep and
draging myself to face my world of tormented reality. Argghhh...



Whatever it is, life still do have to go on. I just need to know
how to control my own life. Control on what i want and what i need.
Maybe i gonna stop working for the mean time while im having my
school attachments. It seems like i couldn't handle 2 jobs at a time.
Or i'll only take those Saturdays and rest on sundays.



I really need to concerntrate on my school. Haixx...damn irritaing!
and again about myself that i hated...since after i start working, i
seem to start drinking again. Which im already heavy with that
damn ciggies. And also getting high while working. Hah!
Fucking Shyt ah Dee!



I've got to find myself back..i really need to. Maybe i know how,
but that's if i dare and if im strong enough. It's also for my own
good but im just too soft hearted. How am i gonna be firm in my
own life. The only way is..i just need to be alone. To be left all alone.
Think about myself. Lock myself in my room to get a PROPER
LONG LONG rest. This is also not a fucking emotional way eh..



Hmm.......